[Note: because I think alerts are important, here
is a Must Read link; I'm posting the article in its entirety at the end of this
collection of weekend reads. Curious or worrisome; either and both.]
By
golly, the times are fascinating, aren't they? We're in a ... what? ...
pre-revolutionary space -- or perhaps an unrecognized but self-defining revolution, gathering speed -- or maybe an evolution punctuated by chaos and challenge,
confusion and information sharing. The call to embrace something new takes fits
and starts, flights and dips; our old baggage is being brought out into the
front yard for display -- our new possibilities are being examined in a petrie
dish of dark cynicism and bright hope. Old ambitions are being thwarted as new
conversations are being initiated; we speak now of "emerging patterns" instead
of linear absolutes -- and what we thought unlikely to ever change, we now
discover already has. Even the obvious polarizations we're accustomed to are
shifting as we find our footing in this wobbly terrain. And those of us refusing
to budge from what was, are being pummeled by the inevitability of changes that
are shimmering in our future.
Here, in this moment, we seem determined
to yak up all the old junk in our psyche's in order to look at it ... the
racial, gender and generational bugaboo's we're forced to examine are not only
disturbing, but fascinating as well. And, boy -- was THIS conversation a long
time coming or what?! It stayed below the surface so long that it HAD to erupt
into a pundit feeding frenzy.
Big Dog Bill mentioned Jessie Jackson and he played
the 'race card' -- Obama gave Hillary a less than enthusiastic compliment about
her outfit and he dealt her the 'gender card' ... yesterday, in response to
McCain's allegations that Obama was the darling of Hamas, Barack told Wolf Blitzer
that Mac had 'lost his bearings' -- A'HA! He slapped down the 'age card.'
None
of the cards in this deck would be an issue if they weren't buried so deeply in our
politically-correct and repressed consciousness ... all of these are elephants
in the room we can't talk about because none of them has been properly examined
and moved past. But we're there NOW, aren't we, struggling with this unaccustomed
candor and scratchy zeitgeist! Uncomfortably so.
This list of articles
illustrates not only our disenchantment's and our conflicts, but also our
realities -- who were are as a country, who we are as political creatures, who
we are as psychological entities, all this is shifting hourly in the sudden light of
day; these reads add pieces to the puzzle, some obvious, some conflicting:
An oil-addicted ex-superpower
By Michael T Klare,
Asia
Times
Myanmar still will not accept US Aid workers
AP
Warring As Lying Throughout US History
James Bovard, Lew
Rockwell
Clipping The Eagle's Wings
Rick Perlstein, America's
Future
Republicans Vote Against Mom's; no word yet on puppies, kittens
Dana Milbank,
Washington
Post
Oh, the joy of being a Republican
Capital Hill
Blue
Was Hillary Channeling George Wallace?
Joe Conason,
Salon
Recognizing The Race Chasm
David Sirota, San Francisco
Chronicle
The Widening Gap
Andrew Kohut,
NYT
Endless but revealing primaries
Christian Science
Monitor
Flawed Messengers and Wooden Soldiers
John
Eskow
[Here's
a PS to the list. Helen Thomas is no spring chicken and defies the generational
me-me's; she has been on a roll lately -- here are a few links that are
heartwarming and encouraging for Helen-followers:]
Bush admits he approved torture
Helen Thomas, Hearst
'Why Are We Bombing These People?'
Mike
Lillis, WashingtonIndependent
The thing about the condition our condition is in is this:
we're "becoming" ... and nobody knows what. That's the problem with "time" ...
Eric wrote a terrific piece about that today, and so did I, in tribute to Mom's
everywhere; we have to effort to see the whole of the picture, not just our
little snip -- and be courageous in confronting our demons, dauntless in
following our intent if the future is going to reward us with all we wish to
pass to the generations
ahead.
The
weekend reads are just that ... essays from an observer of our time, Matt
Taibbi. I see Matt from time to time guesting on Bill Maher; he's a cutie, and
has a thoughtful, informed and often irreverent take on politics and society as
a whole. He's written a new book, so his stuff is circling the blogosphere --
he's a reporter for Rolling Stone and they've published a chapter,
Jesus Made Me Puke. I'm including a link, below that, on his time
spent in Hillary's camp, pre-Illinois, after that. And I'm prefacing with a
review from Buzz Flash, and a link to purchase; we should do our best to support
the progressive sites that use the bucks to continue giving us alternatives to
MSM.
Enjoy the article -- I laughed so hard it took me awhile to compose
myself; and it gave me the chill, and remembrance of similar experiences, that
such an event rightly deserves.
Have a great weekend, and Happy Mum's Day, all you encourager's and nurturer's, male and female and in between.
Jude
The Great
Derangement: A Terrifying True Story of War, Politics, and Religion at the
Twilight of the American Empire (Hardcover)
May 6; from the Publisher:
Rolling Stone's
Matt Taibbi set out to describe the nature of George Bush's America in the
post-9/11 era and ended up vomiting demons in an evangelical church in Texas,
riding the streets of Baghdad in an American convoy to nowhere, searching for
phantom fighter jets in Congress, and falling into the rabbit hole of the 9/11
Truth Movement.
Matt discovered in his travels across the country that
the resilient blue state/red state narrative of American politics had become
irrelevant. A large and growing chunk of the American population was so turned
off—or radicalized—by electoral chicanery, a spineless news media, and the
increasingly blatant lies from our leaders ("they hate us for our freedom") that
they abandoned the political mainstream altogether. They joined what he calls
The Great Derangement.
Taibbi tells the story of this new American
madness by inserting himself into four defining American subcultures: The
Military, where he finds himself mired in the grotesque black comedy of the
American occupation of Iraq; The System, where he follows the money-slicked path
of legislation in Congress; The Resistance, where he doubles as chief public
antagonist and undercover member of the passionately bonkers 9/11 Truth
Movement; and The Church, where he infiltrates a politically influential
apocalyptic mega-ministry in Texas and enters the lives of its desperate
congregants. Together these four interwoven adventures paint a portrait of a
nation dangerously out of touch with reality and desperately searching for
answers in all the wrong places.
Funny, smart, and a little bit
heartbreaking, The Great Derangement is an audaciously reported, sobering, and
illuminating portrait of America at the end of the Bush era.
Watch the
animation for "The Great Derangement" here.
"The
Great Derangement is a scabrous, hilarious vivisection of our disintegrating
nation. An unstinting reporter and sensational writer, Taibbi shines a light on
the corruption, absurdities, and idiot pieties of modern American politics.
Beneath his cynical fury, though, are flashes of surprising compassion for the
adrift, credulous souls who are taken in by it all. I loved this
book."
—Michelle Goldberg, author of Kingdom Coming: The Rise of
Christian Nationalism
"Matt Taibbi is the best American journalism
has to offer. As The Great Derangement shows, he has absolutely no shred of fear
in confronting the corruption that plagues our government and exploring the
desperation that is rising in America. And somehow, he pulls it off while making
us simultaneously weep in sorrow and laugh our asses off."
—David
Sirota, author of Hostile Takeover: How Big Money and Corruption Conquered Our
Government—and How We Take It Back
"Where other mainstream news
sources fail, Matt Taibbi madly embraces his role as an honest political
observer/writer/citizen in a democracy. I would also like to take this
opportunity to ask for Matt's hand in marriage."
—Janeane Garofalo
++
Jesus Made Me Puke
Matt Taibbi
Undercover with the Christian Right
Matt Taibbi, Rolling Stone
May 01,
2008
http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/story/20278737/jesus_made_me_puke/print
I pulled into the church parking lot a little after 6:00
p.m., at more or less the last possible minute. The previous half hour or so I'd
spent dawdling in my car outside a Goodwill department store off Route 410 in
San Antonio, clinging to some inane sports talk show piping over my car radio —
anything to hold off my plunge into Religion.
There was an old-fashioned
white school bus in front of the church entrance, with a puddle of heavyset
people milling around its swinging door. Some of these were carrying blankets
and sleeping bags. My heart, already pounding, skipped a few extra beats. The
church circulars had said nothing about bringing bedding. Why did I need
bedding? What else had I missed?
"Excuse me," I said, walking up to an
in-charge-looking man with a name tag who was standing near the front of the
bus. "I see everyone has blankets. I didn't bring any. Is this going to be a
problem?"
The man was about five feet one and had glassy eyes. He looked
up at me and smiled queerly.
"Name?" he said.
"Collins," I said.
"Matthew Collins."
He scanned his clipboard, found my name on the
appropriate sheet of paper, and X-ed me out with a highlighter. "Don't worry,
Matthew," he said, resting his hand on my shoulder. "A wonderful woman named
Martha is going to take care of you at the ranch. You just tell her what you
need when you get there."
I nodded, glancing at his hand, which was
still on my shoulder. He waved me into the bus.
I had been attending the
Cornerstone Church for weeks, but this was really my first day of school. I had
joined Cornerstone — a megachurch in the Texas Hill Country — to get a look
inside the evangelical mind-set that gave the country eight years of George W.
Bush. The church's pastor, John Hagee, is one of the most influential
evangelical preachers in the country — not because his ministry is so very large
(although he claims up to 4.5 million viewers a week for his Sunday sermons) but
because of his near-absolute conquest of a very trendy niche in the market:
Christian Zionism.
The whole idea behind Christian Zionism is to align
America with the nation of Israel so as to "hurry God up" in his efforts to
bring about Armageddon. As Hagee tells it, only after Israel is involved in a
final showdown involving a satanic army (in most interpretations, a force of
Arabs led by Russians) will Christ reappear. On that happy day, Hagee and his
True Believers will be whisked up to Heaven by God, while the rest of us
nonbelievers are left behind on Earth to suck eggs and generally suffer various
tortures.
So here I was, standing in the church parking lot, having
responded to church advertisements hawking an "Encounter Weekend" — three solid
days of sleep-away Christian fellowship that would teach me the "joy" of
"knowing the truth" and "being set free." That had sounded harmless enough, but
now that I was here and surrounded by all of these blanket-bearing people, I was
nervous. When most Americans think of the Christian right, they think of scenes
from television — great halls full of perfectly groomed people in pale suits and
light-colored dresses, smiling and happy and full of the Holy Spirit,
robotically singing hymns at the behest of some squeaky-clean pastor with a
baritone voice and impossible hair. We don't get to see the utterly batshit
world they live in, when the cameras are turned off and their pastors are not
afraid of saying the really dumb stuff, for fear of it turning up on CNN. In
American evangelical Christianity, in other words, there's a
ready-for-prime-time stage act — toned down and lip-synced to match a set of PG
lyrics that won't scare the advertisers — and then there's the real party
backstage, where the spiritual hair really gets let down. I was about to go
backstage, to personally take part in the indoctrination process for a major
Southern evangelical church. Waiting to board the bus for the Encounter Weekend,
I had visions of some charismatic ranch-land Jesus, stoned on beer and the
Caligula director's cut and too drunk late at night to chase after the minor
children, hauling me into a barn for an in-the-hay shortcut to truth and
freedom. Ridiculous, of course, but I really was afraid, mostly of my own
ignorance and prejudices. I had never been to something like this before, and I
didn't know how to act. I badly wanted to be invisible.
The bus was
nearly full, and mostly quiet. Here and there a few people sitting together or
near each other huddled and chatted, but I could see right away that a great
many people on the trip had come alone, like me. They were people of all sorts:
younger white men in neat middle-class haircuts, a matronly Mexican woman
quietly reading a romance novel, a few scattered weather-beaten black folk in
secondhand clothing whom I immediately pegged as in-recovery addicts, a couple
of ten-alarm soccer moms who would prove the loudest people on the bus by far, a
few quiet older men of military bearing.
The one obvious conclusion
anyone making a demographic study of the Cornerstone Church population would
come to would be that it's a solidly middle-class crowd. These are folks who are
comfortable eating off paper plates and drinking out of gallon jugs of Country
Time iced tea over noisy dinners with their kids. They're people who grew up in
houses with back yards and fences, people with families. This particular journey
to God is not a pastime for the idle rich or the urban obnoxious.
I sat
down next to a frankly obese Hispanic woman who was carrying what both looked
and smelled like a paper bag full of cheeseburgers.
"Some weather we're
having, with this rain," I said.
"Tell me about it!" she said,
introducing herself as Maria. "It truly is an act of God that I even made it
here today." She told a story about having to drive down from Austin in bad
weather. God had helped her four or five steps along the way. "It just seems
like God really wants me to come on this trip," she said. "Otherwise, I would
never have made it."
"It looks like God is going to give us a rainstorm
all the way to Tarpley," I heard a voice behind me say.
This oddly
uniform style of dialogue ringing all around me made me shift in my seat. I felt
nervous and unpleasantly certain that I was about to be found out. When Maria
asked me why I'd come on the retreat, I bit my lip. When in Rome, I thought.
"Well," I said, "since the new year, I've just been feeling like God has
been telling me that I need to get right spiritually. So here I am."
I
paused, wincing inwardly. An outsider coming into this world will feel sure that
the moment he coughs up one of those "God told me to put more English on my tee
shot" lines, his dark game will be instantly visible to all, and he'll be made
the target of one of those Invasion of the Body Snatchers-style
point-and-screech mob scenes. But nothing could be further from the truth. You
simply cannot go wrong praising God in this world; overdoing it is literally
impossible. I would understand this better by the end of the weekend.
Maria smiled. "I feel the same way. Have you ever been to one of these
Encounters?"
"No, I haven't," I said.
"Me neither," she said.
"I'm really excited."
"They're wonderful," said the matronly Mexican
woman in front of me, turning around. "They really change you forever."
I slunk in my seat, trying to look inconspicuous. My disguise was
modeled on other men I'd seen in church — pane glasses and the very gayest
blue-and-white-striped Gap polo shirt I'd been able to find that afternoon.
Buried on a clearance rack next to the underwear section in a nearby mall, the
Gap shirt was one of those irritating throwbacks to the
Meatballs/Seventies-summer-camp-geek look, but stripped of its sartorial irony,
it really just screamed Friendless Loser! — so I bought it without hesitation
and tried to match it with that sheepish, ashamed-to-have-a-penis look I had
seen so many other young men wearing in church. With the glasses and a slouch I
hoped I was at least in the ballpark of what I thought I needed to look like,
which was a slow-moving hulk of confused, shipwrecked masculinity, flailing for
an Answer.
One of the implicit promises of the church is that following
its program will restore to you your vigor, confidence and assertiveness,
effecting, among other things, a marked and obvious physical transformation from
crippled lost soul to hearty vessel of God. That's one of the reasons that it's
so important for the pastors to look healthy, lusty and lustrous — they're
appearing as the "after" photo in the ongoing advertisement for the church
wellness cure.
In these Southern churches there are few wizened old
sages such as one might find among Catholic bishops or Russian startsi. Here
your church leader is an athlete, a business dynamo, a champion eater with a
bull's belly, outwardly a tireless heterosexual — and if you want to know what a
church beginner is supposed to look like, just make it the opposite of that.
Show weakness, financial trouble, frustration with the opposite sex, and if
you're overweight, be so unhealthily, and in a way that you're ashamed of. The
fundamentalist formula is much less a journey from folly to wisdom than it is
from weakness to strength. They don't want a near-complete personality that
needs fine-tuning — they want a human jellyfish, raw clay they can transform
into a vigorous instrument of God.
I was very, very, very good — at
everything!" shouted our hulking ex-paratrooper pastor, Philip Fortenberry, into
the barely visible mouth mike that curled around his ruddy face. "I was a Green
Beret — top of the class. Six feet four, 225 pounds. A star athlete, basketball
player. Starting outside linebacker on the varsity football team. . . ."
The crowd cooed as our spiritual leader rattled off his macho
credentials. Our supercowboy pastor was the perfect foil for the Revenge of the
Nerds-style crowd of fatties, addicts, loners and broken-home survivors
populating the warehouse-size building where we were all destined to spend the
next three days together. In his introductory speech, Fortenberry did everything
but tape-measure his biceps. His autobiographical tale of an angry overachieving
youth who fell into a young adulthood of false pride, only to rebound and be
reborn as a turbocharged, Army-trained enemy of Satan ("A friend of mine once
joked that he saw my picture hung up in a post office in Hell," he quipped), was
to serve as the first chapter of our collective transformation — and to work it
had to impress the hell out of us scraggly wanna-be's.
It did. "I'm
going to start tonight by telling y'all two stories," he began.
The
first was a story from his Army days, about having to take a training flight in
the Pacific Northwest as a young man and being trapped in the back of the
transport plane when the landing went wrong and the plane ended up
crash-bouncing along the runway. "If you've ever been in the back of a C-130,
you know what I mean," he said, and I saw nodding heads all through the
audience. The pastor subsequently would not miss a single chance to drop the
name of a piece of military equipment.
The second story was more
personal. It was about being a little boy in a small Southern town whose father
ran around on his mom with a local barmaid. Dad used to bring little Junior to
play golf with him, keeping his arm around the barmaid in the golf cart for the
entire eighteen holes; finally Dad left Mom to shack up with the barmaid in a
house down the road. Dad was so busy with the barmaid that he never came to see
Junior's ballgames. But from time to time he would come back home to Mom, moving
back into Junior's world, turning his life upside down.
"And every time
he came back," the pastor said, waving his hand up and down and his voice fairly
breaking with tears, "it was like one more bounce along that runway, bouncing in
that C-130, tearing my little boy's world apart."
The pastor fell
silent, still using his hands to demonstrate that bouncing transport plane of
fate, as he surveyed his hushed audience. Fortenberry then stood staring at his
audience in full pre-weep, his eyes wrinkling with incipient tears. The grown
macho man unashamedly breaking into boyish tears in public is one of the weirder
features of the post-Promise Keeper Christian generation, and Fortenberry —
himself a Promise Keeper, incidentally — had it down to a science. "You never
came to my ballgames, Dad," he'd screech, his face wrinkling like a raisin with
grief at the word "ballgames."
I heard sniffles coming from the
audience.
Sensing he had his crowd in an emotionally vulnerable state,
the pastor then plunged into a story about how his bitterness at his father's
abandonment had pushed him, in high school, to become just about the best
basketball player you could imagine. Young Fortenberry, we learned, had scored
lots and lots of points in high school and had many great games.
How
great were those games? Well, he told us, they were really great. Some of the
stories wandered irrelevantly into the specific stats of some of those games; he
also punctuated his storytelling with oddly vigorous and adept pantomimes of
jumpers and hook shots. It was a weird scene, like listening to a married man
wax poetic to a mistress in a roadside motel room. "But after a while I realized
that all those thousands of jump shots" — here he mimicked a jump shot — "and
all those thousands of moves" — he ducked his head back and forth, Tim
Hardaway-style — "hadn't brought me any closer to Dad."
The program
revolved around a theory that Fortenberry quickly introduced us to called "the
wound." The wound theory was a piece of schlock biblical Freudianism in which
everyone had one traumatic event from their childhood that had left a wound. The
wound necessarily had been inflicted by another person, and bitterness toward
that person had corrupted our spirits and alienated us from God. Here at the
retreat we would identify this wound and learn to confront and forgive our
transgressors, a process that would leave us cleansed of bitterness and hatred
and free to receive the full benefits of Christ.
In the context of the
wound theory, Fortenberry's tale suddenly made more sense. Being taken on that
eighteen-hole golf trip with the barmaid, and watching his family ditched by
Dad, had been his wound. It was a wound, Fortenberry explained, because his
father's abandonment had crushed his "normal."
"And I was wounded," he
whispered dramatically. "My dad had ruined my normal!"
The crowd
murmured affirmatively, apparently knowing what it was to have a crushed normal.
After introducing us to the concept of wounds and normals, Fortenberry
told us one last cautionary tale before sending us to our first group session.
It was about a paratrooper who had done a tandem jump with a training dummy for
some Army exercise or other, only to have the dummy's chute fail to open. The
dummy had plunged to the ground, crashing through the trees and landing with a
thud in a bush. Fortenberry's Army buddy had taken advantage of the situation to
have a little joke at the expense of some other exercising soldiers on the
ground who weren't privy to the fact that the troopers were jumping with
dummies. The Army buddy had cried and wailed in asking where the "body" had
fallen, leaving the soldiers on the ground to think that someone had just been
killed.
The soldiers had felt guilty, Fortenberry explained, because
they'd failed to help what they thought was a fallen comrade. Why? Because
they'd been afraid to look behind the bush.
"So I'm telling you now, as
you go into your groups," the pastor explained, "don't be afraid to look behind
the bush."
I wrote in my binder: "LOOK BEHIND THE BUSH." Then I waited
as my name was called out for group study.
The groups were segregated.
Men with men, women with women. Each group was led by a life coach, who was
actually a recent graduate of the program. At the beginning of the group stage,
the coaches were all called up to the front of the chapel, and Fortenberry would
call out the coach's name first, then the names of his group members.
My
coach's name was Morgan. Morgan was a big man, ex-military, with curly black
hair, a black mustache and a softening middle. He looked a little like a
post-rehab version of Keith Hernandez — soft-spoken, deferential, all nose and
mustache.
There were four other men in our group. Besides myself, there
was José, a huge Mexican with a sheepish expression and a steam-boiler body;
Aaron, a squat and alert Pennsylvanian with a clean-and-jerker's build; and
Dennis, a somewhat vacant and medicated-looking man pushing forty with a bald
head and stubbly beard. Dennis looked like a distantly menacing version of Homer
Simpson after electroshock therapy. Seated just a few feet away from us in our
tight circle, he gazed out at us like he could barely make out our faces.
Once Morgan had us all gathered together, we looked for table space in
the cafeteria area of the main building. Ominously, each of the cafeteria tables
had a fresh box of Kleenex resting on top of it.
"Well," Morgan said, "I
think what we're going to do to start is this. I'm going to tell you my story
about my wound, and then we're going to go around in a circle, and each of us is
going to just tell his story. Is that OK?"
Everyone nodded. I noted with
displeasure that I was seated first after Morgan in clockwise order. Already I
was panicking; what kind of wound could a human cipher like myself possibly
confess to?
Morgan told his story. Even a perfunctory look at my fellow
group members told me that we had people here with some very serious problems,
and yet Morgan's wound was a tale that wouldn't have even ruined a week of my
relatively privileged childhood, much less my whole life — something about being
yelled at by his dad while he was out playing with remote-controlled airplanes
with his friends as a thirteen-year-old. He hammed up his trauma over the
incident in classically lachrymose Iron John-in-touch-with-his-inner-boy fashion
(again, there is something very odd about modern Christian men — although
fiercely pro-military in their politics and prehistorically macho in their
attitudes toward women's roles, on the level of day-to-day behavior they seem
constantly ready to break out weeping like menopausal housewives), but his words
were bouncing off a wall of unimpressed silence radiating from the group.
Blank stares. This was a tough crowd. Five minutes into our group
acquaintance, we were at a full 9.5 out of 10 on the International Uncomfortable
Silence scale.
Morgan turned, glanced again at my name tag and sighed.
"Well, uh, OK, then," he said. "Matthew, do you want to tell your
story?"
My heart was pounding. I obviously couldn't use my real past —
not only would it threaten my cover, but I was somewhat reluctant to expose
anything like my real inner self to this ideologically unsettling process — but
neither did I want to be trapped in a story too far from my own experience. What
I settled on eventually was something that I thought was metaphorically similar
to the truth about myself.
"Hello," I said, taking a deep breath. "My name
is Matt. My father was an alcoholic circus clown who used to beat me with his
oversize shoes."
The group twittered noticeably. Morgan's eyes opened to
tea-saucer size.
I closed my own eyes and kept going, immediately
realizing what a mistake I'd made. There was no way this story was going to fly.
But there was no turning back.
"He'd be sitting there in his costume,
sucking down a beer and watching television," I heard myself saying. "And then
sometimes, even if I just walked in front of the TV, he'd pull off one of those
big shoes and just, you know — whap!"
I looked around the table and saw
three flatlined, plainly indifferent psyches plus one mildly unnerved Morgan
staring back at me. I could tell that my coach and former soldier had been
briefly possessed by the fear that a terrible joke was being played on his
group. But then I actually saw him dismissing the thought — after all, who would
do such a thing? I managed to tie up my confession with a tale about turning
into a drug addict in my midtwenties — at least that much was true — and being
startled into sobriety and religion after learning of my estranged clown
father's passing from cirrhosis.
It was a testament to how dysfunctional
the group was that my story flew more or less without comment.
So it
began. Our meetings were a prolonged, cyclical course of group-directed
confession and healing that began on Friday evening and continued almost without
interruption through Sunday afternoon. The basic gist of our group exercises was
this: We were each supposed to reveal to one another what our great childhood
wounds were, then write a series of essays and letters on the wound theme,
taking time after the writing of each to read our work aloud. The written
assignments began with an autobiography, then moved on to a letter written to
our "offenders" (i.e., those who had caused our wounds), then a letter written
to Jesus confessing our failure to forgive our tormentors.
Unfortunately, my one fleeting error of judgment about my circus-clown
dad had left me shackled to a rank character absurdity for the rest of my stay
in Texas. I soon found myself reading aloud a passage from my "autobiography"
describing a period of my father's life when he quit clowning to hand out fliers
in a Fudgie the Whale costume outside a Carvel ice cream store:
I laugh
about it now, but once he chased me, drunk, in his Fudgie the Whale costume. He
chased me into the bathroom, laid me across the toilet seat and hit me with his
fins, which underneath were still a man's hands.
Again no reaction from
the group, aside from an affirming nod from José at the last part — his eyes
said to me, I know what you mean about those fins.
After each of these
grueling exercises we would have lengthy, fifteen-to-twenty-minute sessions
singing unbearably atonal Christian hymns. Then we would have
teaching/Bible-study sessions led by Fortenberry on the theme of the moment
(e.g., "Admit the Truth About Our Wounds") that lasted an hour or so. Then,
after Fortenberry would waste at least half the session giving us the Marlboro
Man highlights of his professional résumé ("I was the manager of the
second-largest ranch in America, 825,000 acres. . . .") and bragging about his
physical prowess ("If someone was to slug me, I could whip just about anyone
here"), we would go back to the group session and confess some more. Then we
would sing some more, receive more of Fortenberry's hairy lessons, and then the
cycle would start all over again. There were almost no breaks or interruptions;
it was a physically exhausting schedule of confession, catharsis, bad music and
relentless, muscular instruction. The Saturday program began at 7:45 a.m. and
did not end until ten at night; we went around the confess-sing-learn cycle five
full times in one day.
We were about a third of the way through the
process when I began to wonder what the hell was going on. Fortenberry's
blowhard-on-crack-act/wound gobbledygook were all suspiciously secular in tone
and approach. I had been hearing whispers throughout the first day or so to the
effect that there was some kind of incredible supernatural religious ceremony
that was going to take place at the end of the retreat ("Tighten your saddle,
he's fixin' ta buck" was how "cowboy" Fortenberry put it), when we would
experience "Victory and Deliverance." But as far as I could see, in the early
going, most of what we were doing was simple pop-psych self-examination using
New Age-y diagnostic tools of the Deepak Chopra school: Identify your problems,
face your oppressors, visualize your obstacles. Be your dream job. With a little
rhetorical tweaking and much better food, this could easily have been Tony
Robbins instructing a bunch of Upper East Side housewives to "find your wounds"
("My husband hid my Saks card!") at a chic resort in Miami Beach or the
Hamptons.
True, I could see some other angles to what was going on as
well. Virtually all of the participants of the Encounter identified either one
or both of their parents as their "offender," and much of what Fortenberry was
talking about in his instructional sessions was how to replace the godless
atmosphere of abuse or neglect that the offenders had provided us with God and
the church. He was taking broken people and giving them a road map to a new set
of parents, a new family — your basic cultist bait-and-switch formula for
cutting old emotional ties and redirecting that psychic energy toward the
desired new destination. That connection would become more overt later in the
weekend, but early on, this ur-father propaganda was the only thing I could see
that separated Encounter Weekend from the typical self-help dreck of the secular
world.
But then, midway through Saturday, Fortenberry and the coaches
started to show us glimpses of the program's end game. The wound, it turned out,
was something that was inflicted upon us because of a curse, a curse that
perhaps spanned generations in each of our families. Alcoholic parents abused
their children, who in turn carried their parents' curse to their adult lives
and became alcoholics themselves — only to have children and continue the
pattern again. Now, why was that curse there to begin with? Here was where we
could get into religious explanations, see the footprint of Satan, etc. We were
unhappy because of earthly troubles from our childhoods, but those troubles were
the work of a generational curse, inflicted upon us by devils and demons —
probably for unbelief, bad behavior, disobedience, worship of the wrong gods and
so on.
This little bit of semantic gymnastics helped transform all of us
at the retreat from being merely fucked up to being accursed carriers of demons.
Having ridden an almost entirely secular program to get our biographies out in
the open in a group setting, Fortenberry could now switch his focus to the real
meat and potatoes of the weekend: Satan and the devils inside us.
He
started off slowly, invoking the godly curses of Genesis — the sweat on Adam's
brow, the pain of Eve's childbirth, etc. — the punishments for eating of the
tree of the knowledge of Good and Evil. "How many of you women out there have
had babies?" Fortenberry asked. "Can I see some hands?"
A dozen or so
hands raised.
"Now, did it hurt?" he asked.
Laughter. Of course
it hurt.
"Let me ask you a question," he said. "Why do alcoholics give
birth to alcoholics? Why do the fatherless give birth to the fatherless?" He
paused. "There are some people out there who will tell you it's genetics. It's
in our genes, they say. Well, I tell you, it's not genetics. It's a generational
curse!"
Fortenberry then started in on a rant against science and
against scientific explanations for cycles of sin. "Take homosexuals," he said.
"Every single homosexual is a sexual-abuse victim. They are not born. They are
created — by pedophiles."
The crowd swallowed that one whole. One thing
about this world: Once a preacher says it, it's true. No one is going to look up
anything the preacher says, cross-check his facts, raise an eyebrow at something
that might sound a little off. Some weeks later, I would be at a Sunday service
in which Pastor John Hagee himself would assert that the Bible predicts that
Jesus Christ is going to return to Earth bearing a "rod of iron" to discipline
the ACLU. It goes without saying that the ACLU was not mentioned in the passage
in Ezekiel he was citing — but the audience ate it up anyway. When they're away
from the cameras, the preachers feel even less obligated to shackle themselves
to facts of any kind. That's because they know that their audience doesn't give
a shit. So long as you're telling them what they want to hear, there's no
danger; your crowd will angrily dismiss any alternative explanations anyway as
demonic subversion.
A team of twenty of the world's leading scientists
wouldn't be able to convince so much as one person in this crowd that
homosexuals are not created by pedophiles.
Fortenberry told a story about a
nephew of his who called him up one night. "Both of his kids had fallen on the
ground in respiratory distress, half-conscious, writhing around, gasping for
air," Fortenberry said. "And I said to my nephew, I said, 'It isn't something
they've done. It's something you've done.' "
The crowd murmured in
assent.
"I told my nephew to look around the house," Fortenberry
continued. "I said, 'Do you have a copy of Harry Potter?' And he said yes. And I
said, 'That's your problem.' So I told him to go get that copy of that book,
tear it in half and throw it out the window. So he does it, and guess what? Both
of those kids stood up completely recovered, just like that."
He snapped
his fingers, indicating the speed with which the kids had jumped up in recovery.
The crowd cooed and applauded. I frowned, wondering for a minute what life must
be like for a person mortally afraid of toothless commercial fairy tales. It
struck me that Phil Fortenberry's nephew was probably more afraid of Harry
Potter than Macbeth, which to me said a lot about this religion and about
America in general.
Here I have a confession to make. It's not something
that's easy to explain, but here goes. After two days of nearly constant
religious instruction, songs, worship and praise — two days that for me meant an
unending regimen of forced and fake responses — a funny thing started to happen
to my head. There is a transformational quality in these external demonstrations
of faith and belief. The more you shout out praising the Lord, singing along to
those awful acoustic tunes, telling people how blessed you feel and so on, the
more a sort of mechanical Christian skin starts to grow all over your real self.
Even if you're a degenerate Rolling Stone reporter inwardly chuckling and
busting on the whole scene — even if you're intellectually enraged by the
ignorance and arrogant prejudice flowing from the mouth of a terminal-ambition
case like Phil Fortenberry — outwardly you're swaying to the gospel and singing
and praising and acting the part, and those outward ministrations assume a kind
of sincerity in themselves. And at the same time, that "inner you" begins to get
tired of the whole spectacle and sometimes forgets to protest — in my case
checking out into baseball reveries and other daydreams while the outer me did
the "work" of singing and praising. At any given moment, which one is the real
you?
You may think you know the answer, but by my third day I began to
notice how effortlessly my soft-spoken Matt-mannequin was going through his
robotic motions of praise, and I was shocked. For a brief, fleeting moment I
could see how under different circumstances it would be easy enough to bury your
"sinful" self far under the skin of your outer Christian and to just travel
through life this way. So long as you go through all the motions, no one will
care who you really are underneath. And besides, so long as you are going
through all the motions, never breaking the facade, who are you really? It was
an incomplete thought, but it was a scary one; it was the very first time I
worried that the experience of entering this world might prove to be anything
more than an unusually tiring assignment. I feared for my normal.
On the
final morning of the weekend, we gathered in the chapel for the Deliverance.
Fortenberry, dressed in his standard Western shirt and hiked-up jeans, sauntered
up to the lectern wearing a solemn and dramatic expression. "This is fixing to
be the biggest spiritual battle that ninety-nine percent of you will ever face,"
he said. "But let me tell you something. It's already been won. It was won 2,000
years ago."
The crowd cheered. As the applause tailed, he held his hands
up Mussolini-fashion, asking for quiet. The crowd complied. It was quite
dramatically done, this whole business, whatever we were working toward. And at
that moment, I spotted a younger kid who had been at the retreat all weekend
working a soundboard for the musical parts zipping behind the crowd to some kind
of dimmer panel. He turned a switch and the lights dimmed slightly; though it
was morning, the light in the building suddenly turned unnatural, like the light
during a partial eclipse.
Throughout the whole weekend, Fortenberry had
been setting himself up as an athletic conqueror of demons. Now, on the final
morning, he looked like a quarterback about to take the field before a big game.
The life coaches assembled around the edges of the chapel, carrying anointing
oil and bundles of small paper bags.
Fortenberry began to issue
instructions. He told us that under no circumstances should we pray during the
Deliverance.
"When the word of God is in your mouth," he said, "the
demons can't come out of your body. You have to keep a path clear for the demon
to come up through your throat. So under no circumstances pray to God. You can't
have God in your mouth. You can cough, you might even want to vomit, but don't
pray."
The crowd nodded along solemnly. Fortenberry then explained that
he was going to read from an extremely long list of demons and cast them out
individually. As he did so, we were supposed to breathe out, keep our mouths
open and let the demons out.
And he began.
At first, the whole
scene was pure comedy. Fortenberry was standing up at the front of the chapel,
reading off a list, and the room was loudly chirping crickets back at him.
"In the name of Jesus, I cast out the demon of incest! In the name of
Jesus, I cast out the demon of sexual abuse! In the name of Jesus. . . ."
After a few minutes, there was a little twittering here and there.
Nothing serious. I was beginning to think the Deliverance was going to be a
bust.
But then it started. Wails and cries from the audience. To my
left, a young black man started writhing around in his seat. In front of me and
to my right, another young black man with Coke-bottle glasses and a shock of
nerdly jheri curl — a dead ringer for a young Wayne Williams — started wailing
and clutching his head.
"In the name of Jesus," continued Fortenberry,
"I cast out the demon of astrology!"
Coughing and spitting noises.
Behind me, a bald white man started to wheeze and gurgle, like he was about to
puke. Fortenberry, still reading from his list, pointed at the man. On cue, a
pair of life coaches raced over to him and began to minister. One dabbed his
forehead with oil and fiercely clutched his cranium; the other held a paper bag
in front of his mouth.
"In the name of Jesus Christ," said Fortenberry,
more loudly now, "I cast out the demon of lust!"
And the man began
power-puking into his paper baggie. I couldn't see if any actual vomitus came
out, but he made real hurling and retching noises.
Now the women began
to pipe in. On the women's side of the chapel the noises began, and it is not
hard to explain what these noises sounded like. If you've ever watched The
Houston 560 or any other gangbang porn movie, that's what it sounded like, only
the sounds were far more intense.
It was not difficult to figure out
where the energy was coming from on that side of the room. Some of the husbands
glanced nervously over in the direction of their wives.
"In the name of
Jesus Christ, I cast out the demon of cancer!" said Fortenberry.
"Oooh!
Unnh! Unnnnnh!" wailed a woman in the front row.
"Bleeech!" puked the
bald man behind me.
Within about a minute after that, the whole chapel
erupted in pandemonium. About half the men and three-fourths of the women were
writhing around and either play-puking or screaming. Not wanting to be a bad
sport, I raised my hand for one of the life coaches to see.
"Need . . .
a . . . bag," I said as he came over.
He handed me a bag.
"In
the name of Jesus, I cast out the demon of handwriting analysis!" shouted
Fortenberry.
Handwriting analysis? I jammed the bag over my mouth and
started coughing, then went into a very real convulsion of disbelief as I
listened to this astounding list, half-laughing and half-retching.
"In
the name of Jesus Christ our Lord, I cast out the demon of the intellect!"
Fortenberry continued. "In the name of Jesus, I cast out the demon of anal
fissures!"
Cough, cough!
The minutes raced by. Wayne Williams
was now fully prostrate, held up only by a trio of coaches, each of whom took
part of his writhing body and propped it up. Another bald man in the front of
the chapel was now freaking out in Linda Blair fashion, roaring and making
horrific demon noises.
"Rum-balakasha-oom!" shouted Fortenberry in
tongues, waving a hand in front of Linda Blair Man. "Cooom-balakasha-froom! In
the name of Jesus Christ, I cast out the demon of philosophy!"
Philosophy?
It was obvious that virtually everyone in the crowd
was playacting to some degree or another. I was reminded of the Tolstoy story
"The Kreutzer Sonata," when the male narrator described marriage as being like
the bearded-lady tent in a French circus he'd seen. You pay a few francs to go
in, and when you come out, and the carnival barker shouts at you, "Was that not
the most amazing thing you've ever seen, monsieur?" — well, you're too ashamed
to admit that you've been had, and so you nod your head and agree: Oui,
monsieur, it was really something! That's how people come to say marriage is a
blessing, and that's how you can get fifty-odd high school graduates puking
demons into three-cent paper bags for a Deliverance.
The whole thing —
the demonic expulsions, the trading of miraculous wives' tales, the crazy End
Times theology based on dire predictions that come and go uneventfully once a
year or so — it's all a con that is done with the consent of the conned. Which
is what gives it strength. If everybody agrees to believe, it is real.
The hooting and howling went on seemingly forever. It was nearly an hour
and a half before Fortenberry was done. He had cast out the demons of every
ailment, crime, domestic problem and intellectual discipline on the face of the
Earth. He cast out horoscopes, false gods, witches, intellectual pride,
nearsightedness, everything, it seemed to me, except maybe E. coli and John
Updike novels. At least four of the men and about six of the women writhed and
screamed and fussed themselves into sheer physical exhaustion, collapsing in
chairs by the time it was over. Several of the coaches actually had to bring
Wayne Williams and the other young black man behind the chapel to subdue their
demons. By then most of us men were just sitting there mute, looking around
absent-mindedly, waiting for it to end. I was sitting there, clutching my demon
vomit bag — perhaps the single greatest souvenir of my journalistic career —
when I made the mistake of closing my mouth. A coach rushed over to me.
"Matthew!" he snapped. "Keep your mouth open! Let the demons out!"
"Oh, right!" I said. I straightened up and opened my mouth in the shape
of a letter O.
Meanwhile, Fortenberry was tiring.
"I cast out .
. . uh . . . In the name of Jesus, I cast out the demon of pornography. I cast
out, in the name of Jesus, the demon of disconnect."
Fortenberry shook
his head as though trying to revive himself. He had been at this for a long
time. His stamina really was astounding, a testament to his military training.
Afterward, a frightening thought shot through my head. It occurred to me
that over the past decades, any number of our prominent political leaders (from
Jimmy Carter to Chuck Colson to W himself) had boasted publicly of their
born-again experiences, broadcasting to Middle America an understanding of their
personal relationships with God. But whereas once these conversions were humble
things — Billy Graham whispering and putting his hand on W's shoulder in
Kennebunkport, or even (in the case of Tom DeLay) a flash of recognition while
watching a televangelist program — the modern version might very easily be this
completely batshit holy-vomitus/demon-exorcism deal. The thought that any
politician could claim this kind of experience and not be immediately
disqualified from public service seemed utterly terrifying.
We were
called back to chapel, and this time the drill was speaking in tongues. We were
asked to come up to the front of the chapel and let a life coach anoint us with
oil, hold our heads and speak to us in tongues. Fortenberry instructed us to
"just let it out. Just let it out and it'll come out."
He didn't come
right out and say, "Just act like you're speaking in tongues." But it was damned
close. Once again, Fortenberry greased the process by telling us a story about
how he'd once been at a service where folks were speaking in tongues, and he was
skeptical, but it had just flown right out of him — and now it just shoots right
out of him, almost on command.
I went to the front. One of the coaches
grabbed me by the shoulder and sploshed a big puddle of oil on my forehead. Then
he began to speak in tongues:
"Gam-bakakasha. Hoo-raaa-balalakasha. . .
. Come on, Matthew, let it out."
American Christians who speak in
tongues basically all try to sound like extras from the underworld set of
Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom. If you want to pull it off and sound like
a natural, just imagine you're holding a rubber replica of Harrison Ford's heart
in your hands: Umm-harakashaka! Loo-pa-wanneee-rakakakasha, Meester Jones!
But I didn't think of this at the time and just went another route.
"Let it out, Matthew," the coach repeated, clutching my forehead. "Just
open your mouth."
I shrugged and rattled off the lyrics to the song
"What is Autumn?" by the Russian rock band DDT:
What is autumn? It's the
sky The crying sky below your feet. Flying about in puddles are the birds and
clouds. Autumn I've not been with you for so long!
It's actually a
beautiful song, but with my eyes rolled back in my head and recited in Russian
it sounded demonic enough.
"Hmm, very good," my coach said. "Good job,
Matthew."
I kept going, on to the next verse. "What is autumn? It's a
stone. . . ."
"OK, that's good," the coach said, annoyed, moving on to
the next guy.
"It's important that you practice," said Pastor
Fortenberry. "It sounds silly, but when you're at home, when you have a little
time, just try to let it out. You'll get used to it, and soon you'll be speaking
in tongues like nobody's business!"
He then pronounced us baptized in
the Holy Spirit and fully qualified now to cast out demons.
He held up
his hands in triumph.
"Hallelujah!" he shouted.
The crowd jumped
up, and we all threw up our hands.
"Hallelujah!"
He called out
Hallelujah! again. We repeated after him. And we repeated after him again. Arms
in the air. Hallelujah! Hallelujah! Hallelujah!
I felt a twinge of
recognition from somewhere as I threw my arms up over and over again.
We
had graduated.
By the end of the weekend I realized how quaint was the
mere suggestion that Christians of this type should learn to "be rational" or
"set aside your religion" about such things as the Iraq War or other policy
matters. Once you've made a journey like this — once you've gone this far — you
are beyond suggestible. It's not merely the informational indoctrination, the
constant belittling of homosexuals and atheists and Muslims and pacifists, etc.,
that's the issue. It's that once you've gotten to this place, you've left behind
the mental process that a person would need to form an independent opinion about
such things. You make this journey precisely to experience the ecstasy of
beating to the same big gristly heart with a roomful of like-minded folks. Once
you reach that place with them, you're thinking with muscles, not neurons.
By the end of that weekend, Phil Fortenberry could have told us that
John Kerry was a demon with clawed feet, and not one person would have so much
as blinked. Because none of that politics stuff matters anyway, once you've
gotten this far. All that matters is being full of the Lord and empty of demons.
And since everything that is not of God is demonic, asking these people to be
objective about anything else is just absurd. There is no "anything else." All
alternative points of view are nonstarters. There is this "our thing," a sort of
Cosa Nostra of the soul, and then there are the fires of Hell. And that's all.
++
Adapted from the forthcoming book "The Great Derangement" by Matt
Taibbi. Copyright © 2008 by Matt Taibbi. Published by Spiegel & Grau, a
division of Random House Inc. Reprinted with permission. Names of Encounter
Weekend participants have been changed to protect their privacy.
[alert]
U.S. lease of Waterloo fairgrounds
raises questions
William Petroski, Des Moines
Register
Federal officials have imposed a news
blackout at the National Cattle Congress fairgrounds in Waterloo, where they
have leased almost the entire property through May 25.
Tim Counts, a
Midwest spokesman for U.S. Immigration and Customs Enforcement, known as ICE,
declined to say Monday whether an immigration raid is pending that would use the
fairgrounds as a detention center.
Advertisement
"ICE never talks
about our investigative activity or possible future enforcement actions," Counts
said. "Regarding the exercise in Waterloo, there is currently no publicly
releasable information about that, so we aren't releasing any."
He
declined to say whether the "exercise" involves training or an immigration
enforcement operation.
"We expect that at some point there will be
additional information available, but I can't speculate at what point that might
be," Counts said.
In December 2006, ICE conducted an immigration raid at
the Swift & Co. meatpacking plant in Marshalltown. Many workers were
transported to Camp Dodge in Johnston, where military barracks were used as
temporary detention facilities. A total of 1,282 Swift workers were arrested in
Iowa and five other states in the biggest crackdown in history on immigration
violations at one company.
The Waterloo Courier on Sunday reported that
contractors have installed generators adjacent to many buildings at the
fairgrounds.
In addition, windows on many buildings have been covered up,
blocking views inside. A number of mobile-home-size trailers have been
transported to the privately owned grounds.
Doug Miller, general manager
of the Cattle Congress, declined Monday to release a copy of his group's rental
contract with U.S. General Services Administration. He also indicated he was in
the dark about what's happening inside the fairgrounds.
"I have no idea.
They are conducting whatever exercise they are conducting without telling me all
the details of it. I don't have any information to share with you, really,"
Miller said.
Representatives of Gov. Chet Culver and U.S. Sens. Tom
Harkin and Charles Grassley said they had no information about what was
happening at the Cattle Congress fairgrounds.
At Grassley's request, his
staff called ICE officials on Monday.
"During the call, the ICE officials
would neither confirm nor deny anything to Senator Grassley's staff," said Beth
Pellett Levine, a Grassley aide.
Armando Villareal, administrator of the
Iowa Division of Latino Affairs, said he hadn't heard any reports about
impending immigration raids. But he added that many Latinos in Iowa are feeling
tension and fear.
"Folks have resigned themselves that something terrible
is going to happen between now and the election. It is more like a resignation
that something is going to happen," Villareal said.
++
"So keep fightin' for freedom and justice,
beloveds, but don't you forget to have fun doin' it. Lord, let your laughter
ring forth. Be outrageous, ridicule the fraidy-cats, rejoice in all the oddities
that freedom can produce. And when you get through kickin' ass and celebratin'
the sheer joy of a good fight, be sure to tell those who come after how much fun
it was."
~ Molly Ivins, 1944 - 2007
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